


Panic At the Dunkin Donuts

by Pathologies



Category: Morrissey (Musician), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Gen, M/M, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Songfic, Tears, but I'm not gonna force a ship that doesnt make sense, food destruction, not sponsored by dunkin donuts, special guest star - Freeform, surprise character - Freeform, surprise ship if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 20:50:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7985719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pathologies/pseuds/Pathologies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's life on the surface for these monsters, but not everything is as happy for everyone! Agony! Pain! Timelines! Fast food! Doesn't matter cause Sans is the main character again!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panic At the Dunkin Donuts

It wasn't easy getting up at six to act as Ambassador to Monsters, but Frisk's friends always had the perfect pick-up in the morning. The monster morning runs together helped them look forward to waking up instead of dreading it.

Today Papyrus, Alphys, Blooky, and Ice Wolf joined them on the morning trek to the Dunkin Donuts. Though Frisk had nothing to fret about, the human had some concerns about Sans. Ever since last Friday, they hadn't seen the smaller skeleton. All of them agreed Sans was going through things and he probably needed space until he felt ready to reach out. Still, Frisk couldn't help feel concerned...

As they entered the Dunkin Donuts, Frisk texted Sans one last time. 'we're here at the dunkin donuts come join us'. Together they began to order food.

“Pap...” Alphys sighed, “They don't have cannoli here.”

“I can see why some places can't make spaghetti,” said a dismayed skeleton, “But surely a place like this can make a cannoli for the great Papyrus?”

“Can I just get ice coffee?” their big wolf friend asked.

Blooky just hovered, “Oh...nothing for me...I'm not really hungry...”

Just as they came close to figuring an order, Frisk saw someone get on the register counter...someone who could be none other than...

“Sans?!” Papyrus' eyes rolled out of control in his sockets. “Take off that ridiculous outfit right now! You're embarrassing us!”

Indeed his brother looked drastically different. His trademark jacket got fluffy at the collar with several spikes on the shoulder stitches and a big 'Honk if you're hurt' button pinned to his lapel. Round his neck he wore a big spiky collar that didn't look comfortable to wear, honestly. The several piercings round his face, mouth, eye sockets, head(?), and even cheek (???) looked hard to pull off too.

But Sans just shrugged in that typical sardonic fashion, “See, I would but...none of that matters anymore, Pap. It never mattered. Cause see, soon? This is all gonna be gone. So, might as well break some eggs...you know what happens when you break eggs? You make donuts? And what better food to dunk than...donuts.” He guffawed at that killer joke.

Ice Wolf's eyes lowered, “Papyrus has a brother?”

“Oh...I uh...I gotta go guys...byyyye....” Blooky dematerialized.

Alphys began to dial her phone, “Brother betraying brother? This is really the worst...just uh...let me see if I can hack the shop's security...cameras? Maybe...I can...” She slumped, “I can't hack cameras through a phone. Not a regular phone...”

Frisk took the initiative, holding a peaceful hand toward Sans.

“What? You're trying to spare me? Sorry kid, but there's no uh, ribs at the Dunkin Donuts. There's only dunking. Coincidentally that's what's going to happen to you.”

His eye began to blink a furious disco blue. Donuts left and right rose in the air. Human customers who were just ignoring this scene began to clamor in concern. All at the same instant several donuts began to violently dunk themselves in the coffee. Iced mocha, hot cappuccino, it all flew everywhere. The poor custodian grew overwhelmed. The humans panicked and rioted out of the Dunkin Donuts.

But it didn't end there. A singular bone made the round in the air, clattering uselessly and aggressively against any object it could find. Acting and mercy couldn't work. Frisk could do only what they did best: moving and dodging objects really fast.

Alphys began to hyperventilate, “I just wanted to try some sour patch watermelon donuts!”

“This is a nightmare!” Papyrus yelled, “Ice Wolf, what do we do?!”

“...do we have any big blocks of ice?”

But one human remained in this chaos. Morrissey stood up, gingerly throwing his latte to the ground as he chose the microphone once again. “I got this, loves.”

“Alphys, do you know who that is?!” gasped Papyrus.

“A soft human?”

“I don't know, but he looks like he's doing something important!”

Morrissey did do something important: he unbuttoned his blouse and began to croon (to the tune of 'Panic' because honestly, that's how all his uptempo songs sound).

_Crime spree at the Dunkin Donuts_  
_Crime spree at the Dunkin Donuts_  
_Well it was a shame but the pain's the same_  
_Because a crime spree at the Dunkin Donuts_

Sans paused momentarily to glare at the human but returned to his battle with Frisk. More caffiene soaked donuts flew at Frisk in all sorts of strange and magical patterns. But Morrissey sang on.

_Oh it wasn't the first time I broke my heaaaart_  
_But if I had to choose anywhere to start_  
_No no don't make it here_  
_Because here I fear_  
_It's a crying spree at the Dunkin Donuts_

Sans' eye flashed as he clanked his bone rhythmically against the counter. Ice Wolf thumped his hands along to the depressing tune. Alphys took a secret selfie with the mingling chaos flying about her.

_You know I'd never ask you to die_  
_But coming here is a funeral pie_  
_And we're the bakers we're the bakers ohoh_  
_Tears for the the donut holes_  
_Because if they don't got one they never will_

Flower petals flew around Morrissey as he drew out his ballad of heartbreak at the Dunkin Donuts, gesticulating dramatically.

“PAPYRUS!” Alphys groaned.

“It's the least I can do!” Papyrus threw more petals, “This man is saving our lives!”

Indeed Morrissey's song had an effect on the angry skeleton. His magical attacks grew sloppy, more disorganized. Donuts squashed against the windows, leaving sugary coffee stains. To the outside world it was a real horror show. But inside it was a battle for life and death.

Frisk furrowed their brows. They didn't understand. Why was Sans like this? They attempted to reach him again, only to get rebuffed by a large apple fritter. Sans sighed. All the donuts began to rain down and squelch on the once pristine floor of the Dunkin Donuts. “Don't you see? It's better like this...because otherwise...it'll all go stale...I'll get the cold shoulder again....”

“Ambassador?” Morrissey tapped Frisk's shoulder, “If I may?” Unsure of who this was, Frisk merely nodded.

“Who are you?” growled Sans.

“I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally broken,” he answered, “But more importantly...it's gruesome that someone so handsome should care...”

“I can't not care...I'm all tied up...get it?”

“See the luck he's had? It can make a good man go bad.”

“Well...when you put it like that...” Sans slumped, “I'm....I'm not really Sans.” He popped off his convincing Sans Head.

“CHILLDRAKE?!” Every monster yelled in unison.

“Yeah, it's me,” the bird in the sunglasses replied..

Papyrus hit the table, “Why did you dress up as my brother Sans?!”

“Cause I already rebelled once and the human liked it! That's not cool! So I decided if I broke the rules as someone else, it'd be breaking the rules times two. Who else than Sans? He sleeps around, drinks ketchup, and does nothing! He's gotta be hiding something, right?! So why not be him, start a monster riot on a surface at the dunkin donuts! But then that lame human over there started singing about it! That's not cool!”

“Chilldrake...” Morrissey gently approached the bird, “I decree that life is simply taking I'm not giving.”

“What are you talking about, man?!”

“Oh ask me why and I'll spit in your eye....”

Frisk just stood confused.

“...okay that's kind of cool.”

“But we cannot cling to the old dreams anymore.”

Chilldrake began to solemnly beatbox, “You may be on to something...”

“What's going on?” asked Papyrus.

Alphys whispered, “I think they're going to make out.”

“Take me out tonight, Chilldrake,” said Morrissey, “And if a double decker bus crashes into us today by your side, well then the pleasure the privilege is mine.”

“You mean you wanna ditch these losers?”

“Please, please, please,” he offered, “Let me get what I want. Because it's not my home it's their home and I'm welcome no more.”

Chilldrake, throwing off the jacket, accepted the once-famous artist's hand, “Okay, whatever. Let's get out of here.”

Morrissey smiled, “Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.”

Together the both of them exited the Dunkin Donuts. Papyrus clasped his hands together, tearing up, “Isn't it beautiful?!”

“What just happened?” asked Ice Wolf. Frisk shrugged.

Blooky appeared. “Oh...um...I was hiding in the bathroom..and someone else was hiding there.”

Lo and behold there stood a naked Sans coming out of the bathroom to everyone''s shock. “Oh hey everybody. Guess I fell asleep on the can again.” He picked up his jacket, “Huh....guess someone had some fun with this....what?”

Alphys pointed as discretely as a horrified scientist could.

“Oh that?” he pointed to his curled tail, “Yeah I'm actually bulldog.”

Papyrus shrugged, “It's true!”

**Author's Note:**

> All Smiths songs belong to Morrissey except "Crime Spree at the Dunkin Donuts"


End file.
